i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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