just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
