yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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