Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
