the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
