I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
