My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
