So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
