Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
