She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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