My first STD was from a foam party
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
