I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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