I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
