Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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