Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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