how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
zippers are such a cool invention
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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