My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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