When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
