Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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