sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize