I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
