I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My butt remains clenched, sir.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
