ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I am spending my child support on dildos
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
