he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize