Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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