Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
