I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
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