Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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