i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
