before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
