Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
