I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It's shark week go big or go home
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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