That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
