The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
