i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
