can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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