you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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