So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
