What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
