Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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