I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
