Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
