Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
