his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
