You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
