Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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