the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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