Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
