someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
All the doctor said was why
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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