I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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