I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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