You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
