What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
