is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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