We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize