What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
