I'm really into asian looking animals
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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