Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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