Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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