i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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