How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
