Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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