I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
