If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
