Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
